Needless to say, this was published at HuffPo:

President Bush almost killed me. It’s true, and I have the scars to prove it — multiple scars that are part of the public record — you saw them in magazines and on my show, and you can see them on my blog frequently — no twelve year wait required.

It was 2000, and the Republican National Convention was on television. The whole affair felt something like a home invasion, with a chronically smirking and arrogant George W. Bush as ringleader. Not wishing to be robbed of my optimism and hope at the time — or to tumble into depression and despair — I shut off the TV and decided to go fishing.

I needed gear, so I went to the store and bought a few things, including a knife, which I used to cut the price tags off of the fishing poles.

Now, I could have stabbed myself 100 times in the hand and not managed to do the damage I did with that one poke to the inside of my middle finger. I went all out, though, and got everything — skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves. Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.

That’s my personal war story from the demoralizing Bush years, and probably a minor one, considering the 935 documented lies told by the Bush administration that thrust us into an unjust war, killing thousands of Iraqi civilians and nearly 4000 Americans. One near-death experience probably pales in comparison to the $9 trillion dollar debt heaped upon the collective back of America, or the gross war profiteering by corporate friends of Cheney and Bush, or even the $10 billion dollar third-quarter profit Exxon recently reported.

Malignant Narcissism at its most basic. The fact is only morons stab themselves in the hand. I know, I did it myself in an idiotic attempt to remove plastic wrapping from a Worcestershire bottle with a steak knife while watching television. At least two inches of serrated blade in the hand, and the wound was gruesome. It scored a .7 on the Muta Scale. There was this white meat hanging out that looked kind of like monk fish…

But I digress.

See, it wasn’t the tv’s fault I stabbed myself, it was mine. I did something stupid, got a couple of stitches and laughed about it later. Rosie did the same thing and it’s Bush’s fault. The President of the United States “caused” Rosie to stab herself in the hand. If that’s not narcissism, what is?

Oh, then she got a nasty staph infection. I didn’t get one of those myself, mainly because I shower every day and don’t pop antibiotics like a hypochondriac celebrity who can have scripts written for her by several different sycophants.

You’ll also notice that though her screed is heavy on the “Bush lied-people died” trutherism she’s known for, the story itself happened well before 9/11, Iraq or really anything of consequence. She was apparently patient zero for Bush Derangement Syndrome, since she seems to be the first person in America to have a full on case of it.

On the other hand, the story’s probably made up, so time lines don’t really matter. What matters to Rosie O is ensuring that even on Super Tuesday Americans remember what’s important, Rosie O’ Donnell.

Tammy Bruce has a whole archive of malignant narcissism for those of you who can’t get enough of it from HuffPo.